And i wish , I'd still be in ur memory ,

Hey ,
My last post befre i officially MIA ,
Gah , i diddnt expect my 45th post , to be so emo ._. ,
Neither did i expect , that I'd be so moodless to th max .
Didnt slept ytd night , Tonned th night .
Text w peoples ,Msned with nandha ,
Cry + Ton , how amazing ,
I hate crying , like srsly , and my tears wun listen to me .
Rah , offed texts @ 2.30 or so .
Lied on bed , listening to songs . Just cldnt get to sleep .
had headache aftwards , _|_ fuck tht headache ttm ,
Slep @ 6plus , woke @ 8plus .
Hope i faster die of fatigue , -.- ,
Rah , emo post down there -.-"
Yeh , i might not be th most perf. stead you'd ever dream of ,
and i might not be ur ulitimite love ,
Somehow or other , everytime i said iloveyou to you ,
It has my life and heart in thr , and its alw more thn you think .
Sometimes , I'd alw feel , that i wan time , that i need you badly .
And as im writing , im crying . I hate crying .
You'll never understand how it feels like , to know someone's love fr you ,
is gradually fading , i dun get it .
Your feelings are fading , & you can tell me you luv me ?
Thats a lie right ? You'd alw say things in order not to hurt .
But when th truth is uncovered , it'd just hurt more .
I cant , i dunwan to know th truth .
You'll never understand , how i'd alw felt , when you only find me cus your'e bored .
So whut am i ? An entertainer ?
No , i cant live it thru this lies , & th reason im hurting .
Is only because , Im wondering whether things you've said ,
were just said fr th sake of saying , doing fr th sake of doing .
Or did it came from your heart ? My heart hurts .
Because , this is th first and last time I'd ever loved someone so deep .
I should wake up and see that you're not who I used to know and love .
In th past , you aint someone who hide their feeling .
But youre hiding it , that i wonder , when youre telling th truth , when youre not .
If only I knew earlier that love would be like this , I wouldve never wanted to fall for you.
If only I knew that growing up would be so tough , I wouldn't have wanted to grow up this badly
If only I knew that you were gonna lie , I would never have believed you
If only I kept my mouth shut , I wouldn't be suffering right now.
If only I chose to listen to my friends , I would already have forgotten about you
If only fate didn't want us to meet , I wouldn't be suffering
If only I was smarter , I would've known that your love was just a lie.
If only you didn't appear into my life , i wouldn't have understood the meaning of love
And if only i knew , i wouldnt be crying right nao .
I dowan to rmb anyth , i really dowan to .
I just want to frget you , i hate tears falling down my cheeks .
I hate knowing , that we might fall through .

Neverthless ,
I still want you to be happy ,
Cus i said befre , seeing you smile , i would smile too .
I still want to be your fren , but i cant ,
cus i only want you to be my lover . But nao , i wun hope .
Maybe my love will neh end , maybe i'll be stuck here til my tears run dry .

-Your promises to me ,
I'll forget .


-I still love you , yes i do .
But i dowan to .